Sandwich of Ruin!

When The Columnist Speaks, People Listen

So, my post last week regarding my trials and headaches with Charter Communications eventually was developed into my weekly column, which ran in the Stewartville Star yesterday.

Apparently, a few folks who read my column passed the information on up the Charter chain of command, and it landed on the desk of some president of some Charter-related company that's in charge of fixing the customer service woes here in Rochester.

So it was I found myself on the phone with the big-wig president guy, who basically was falling all over himself apologizing for the crappy service I experienced. It shouldn't have taken four visits, he told me. I agreed. After four visits, I shouldn't still be waiting on a cable box, he told me. I agreed. It wasn't right that I was almost railroaded into the most expensive cable plan. I agreed. He said it was unfortunate that I wrote the column before talking with Charter about the problem. I disagreed. He hoped that they wouldn't lose their contract because of the column. I agreed.

The big wig president guy then passed my number on to the manager for Rochester Charter, who called me, hat in hand, and assured me he'd oversee the installation of the cable box personally on Friday and inspect the cable work already done.

I wonder if I can get some free cable for a few months out of this whole deal. . .

It's good to be the columnist guy.

Of course, it's even better to be this columnist guy.

The column can be read here:

I'm a product of the cable television generation, which is to say I start to go into convulsions if I don't have access to at least 50 channels on any give television set. Okay, I don't actually go into convulsions, I just foam at the mouth a little bit. And I bite people.

Unfortunately, the house which I recently purchased has not been internally updated since Eisenhower was president. And, although the previous occupant may have liked Ike, they apparently did not like cable. When I bought the house, there were two cords running into the living room: one didn't seem to serve any purpose at all, while the other was connected to a television antenna hidden in the attic.

So, I called Charter Communications because, as any good Rochester and/or surrounding area resident knows, Charter has a monopoly on all cable television in the area. If you want cable television, and you live in Rochester, you have to kneel before Charter. Yes, it goes against everything that Teddy Roosevelt's trust busting fought for, but that was so early 20th century.

Anyway. . .

The first day a Charter representative arrived at my home, a solitary individual entered the house and, after 15 minutes, he announced that my house was not up to code to allow cable. My home needed much updating before cable could be snaked through its innards. No problem. It would cost me nothing to have this done.

Unfortunately, the original cable guy was in no way prepared to do the job. Instead, he set up a time on the following Monday for two top of the line crack cable technicians (or was it two cable technicians on top of the line crack) to arrive and update my home. From 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. that Monday they labored, and then they announced they would have to come back the next day because they didn't have the necessary tools on hand to complete their work. How could they not have the necessary tools on hand? There were two doggone vans parked outside! What? Were they empty!!?

So, they assured me they would be at my house at 8 a.m. sharp the next day, and that the work would only take an hour. At 8:50 a.m. the following morning which, if you'll notice, was 50 minutes late, they pulled up outside, and once again they entered the house as if it was an alien environment to them. I even had to provide a flashlight, which you would think they'd at least have on hand, but no, they didn't.

When I left the house that morning, the two Charter technicians were trying to drill a hole in my wall, with a drill bit big enough to give a brontosaurus a tooth canal. I couldn't watch.

Keep in mind, that was the third day I had cable folks milling around my house. They would come in, they would poke around, and then they would leave, telling me they needed more time and more tools to get cable up and running in my home. I was thinking of making a bedroom for them, so they could rest up between their periods of accomplishing nothing.

Well, after leaving those two cable guys alone in my house with their insanely large drill, I expected to return home from work with a house up and running with cable. Instead, I discovered nothing, and I mean NOTHING, had been done. The house sat silent, and I sat, yet again, without cable.

So, I called Charter up again the next day, and the gentleman I spoke with told me that their technicians weren't legally allowed to do any work unless the homeowner was present. I informed the gentlemen that, since I had burned through roughly eight years of vacation time to accommodate the previous Charter do-nothing visits, I couldn't just keep taking days off. He didn't seem to care, which bothered me somewhat.

Instead, he set up a time for yet even more Charter technicians to come to my house over the weekend. What could I do? It's Charter, after all, and they have a monopoly, and I wanted cable, so I agreed.

But, I swear, if the weekend passes, and I still don't have cable, I'm going to bite somebody.

Posted by Ryan at May 26, 2004 02:30 PM