April 26, 2004

New Kerry Medal Controversy Erupts

WASHINGTON D.C. (Rhodes Media Services) -- Amid controversy over whether Sen. and Democratic Presidential hopeful John Forbes Kerry threw several of his Vietnam War decorations--whether they were ribbons or medals, over a fence in 1971 in protest over America's involvement in the war, a new controversy has erupted that has sent his campaign advisors scrambling for answers.

At the heart of the new issue is not whether the decorations were thrown, but how they were thrown. Although the Kerry campaign insists they were thrown with a hefty over-the-shoulder throw brimming with vitality and confidence, some eyewitnesses to the event say it was a more of an underhand toss with a limp wrist, while still others say it was more of a "granny" throw using both hands sweeping up from between the knees skyward in what one witness said made him look like a "total fairy."

"I was there, man," said Bradley Langston, 53, of Pittsburgh. "Kerry was totally half-assed when he threw those medals, or ribbons, or whatever the hell they were, over that fence. I mean, he barely even cleared the fence, for crying out loud. But, yeah, it was a totally wimpy toss, like he was throwing confetti or something. It was weak."

Media orgainizations, sensing a story that may have legs, have been poring over old taped archives and have enlisted the critical eyes of both professional pitchers and schoolyard pansy girly-boys in an attempt to ascertain just how manly or wussy Sen. Kerry's ribbon/medal throwing actually was.

Early uncomfirmed reports say that people can clearly be heard in the in the footage yelling such undignified chants as "we want a medal chucker, not a mother-f**ker," and "we'll give you one last chance, to clear the f**king fence," in apparent response to the senator's throwing prowess.

This story is developing.

UPDATE: Hey, turns out this was actually more than satire. Well, sort of:

With that, he didn't really throw his handful toward the statue of John Marshall, America's first chief justice. Nor did he drop the decorations. He sort of lobbed them, and then walked off the stage.

Posted by Ryan at April 26, 2004 01:17 PM

I hate MuNu. There, I said it. Any stupid comment system that can't remember my personal info even though I consistently click the remember personal info button just sucks.

And hey, at least Kerry had his own medals to throw over the fence. Bush had to go and buy some at a pawn shop. And he cried like a little baby when one of the pins accidentally pricked him.

Posted by: Johhny "I Hate MuNu" Huh? at April 26, 2004 01:45 PM

Actually, Johnny, my intent here wasn't so much to make fun of Kerry, which could easily be done, but to make fun of the media running with such a really non-story. Then again, if Kerry had just said "yes, I threw them because I was young idealistic and naive, and I regret it now," he wouldn't have attracted the bloodhounds in the press intent on sniffing out a fairly obvious deception on his part.

I'm not arguing that Kerry tops Bush in the service to country realm at all. I think that's pretty obvious to all.

Posted by: Ryan at April 26, 2004 02:09 PM

I always have am mixed reaction to this kind of thing. On the one hand, answers like, "I smoked it, but I didn't inhale," obviously come off sounding completely stupid. On the other hand, what kind of dipshit asks a question like that? Did Bush have a coke problem? Tempting as it may be to chase that particular rabbit down, at the end of the day who really cares?

It's my beef with Clinton's blowjob lie: on the one hand, he shouldn't have lied. On the other hand, he never should have been asked, he certainly shouldn't have been asked under oath and, really, who wouldn't lie about something like that?

Posted by: Joshua at April 26, 2004 04:20 PM

I always have am lots of typos, too.

Posted by: Joshua at April 26, 2004 04:20 PM

Joshua, the whole thing about Clinton and the BJ reminded me of probably the one funny thing I ever heard Bill Maher say:

"What guy hasn't lied about doing a fat chick?

Sure, it's humor that appeals to the lowest common denominator but, hey, that's me.

Posted by: Ryan at April 26, 2004 04:32 PM

It is a true non story and both you and Joshua make good points about just coming clean, nipping the whole stupid thing before it gets rolling and moving on.

But the smear campaign requires each over turned rock to be fully explored just to make sure there's not some gold dust hiding in the cracks.

And Ryan, you do remember the old joke. What do motor scooters and fat chicks have in common? They're both fun to ride until one of your friends sees you on one.

Posted by: Johnny Huh? at April 26, 2004 04:39 PM

Johnny - There are two comment cookies in MuNu. Which one is used depends on whether you are in the comment pop-up or the archive page. One is a third party cookie and your security settings are most likely not allowing this type of cookie.

Posted by: Jim at April 27, 2004 07:27 AM

Personally, I think blowjobs in the Oval Office should be just one of the perqs of being the President.

As for Kerry and his medals or ribbons, it is a non-story, but once the media has what it thinks is a bone, it chomps down hard and runs with it.

But when called out about blowjobs or protests, jeebs, just come clean about it. Anything else and your credibility takes a hit.

Posted by: Rob @ L&R at April 27, 2004 07:40 AM

Good Point. Anyways, this was where i met her. You can join for free as well www.redtricircle.com

Posted by: click here at March 12, 2005 03:39 AM
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