June 12, 2002

Hello, I'm. . . I

Hello, I'm. . .

I meet new people on a daily basis; it's the nature of the journalism profession that you meet new people, whether for interviews, or to verify something, and countless other reasons. I meet people by phone, by e-mail and of course in person. I do it without thinking about it, because it's part of my job, and I get paid for it. However. . .

Meeting people just for my own personal interest is an entirely different experience. I refer, of course, to meeting women who catch my wandering eye. I go through what amounts to a ritual (stopping before I sacrifice a chicken) before I saunter up to a potential female. Yesterday, for example, I decided it was time to introduce myself to the stunning vision I routinely see vivaciously slithering down the IBM hallways. She has one of those walks that has a magnetic effect on my groin. Anyway. . .

I studied up on Ms. X for about a month; finding out which office she's in, whether she's wearing a ring on the taboo finger (no ring), determining whether she's extremely involved or just slightly with a different guy to estimate my odds. Armed with this important information, I dropped by her office unexpectedly.

ME: Um, hi. I've, um, seen you around the building for awhile now and, um, I just thought I should stop by and, um, introduce myself. I'm Ryan. *extend hand*

MS X: *shaking hand* Oh, hi. It's nice to meet you. I'm Melanie.

ME: (Awesome, she has a name! We have something in common!) Hi, Melanie. It's nice to finally put a name with the your face (or stellar butt as the case may be). So, what do you do here at IBM (And how the hell did you get an office with a window while I work in a flourescent cavern?)? (Note to self: no pictures of boyfriend. No pictures of family either, so that's not saying much.)

MELANIE: *Explains what she does at IBM, while I do my best to maintain eye contact*

All told, my initial conversation with Melanie lasted about ten minutes, during which time I dutifully broke every rule of etiquette, including leaning on the door frame and putting my hands in my pockets.

The amazing thing is that I'm still this shaky about introducing myself to women even though I've done it countless times before. My first impression with the ladies must be sub-par at best. But, I can't just sit back and wait for fate to cause a jeep full of bikini clad models to break down outside my house, so I have to continue with this embarrasing introduction dance. It would be so much easier if the female gender simply had a light that flashed from the forehead every time they talk to a guy that interests them. My kingdom for a forehead flashing female!

Now I have to bide my time and get Melanie's phone number and ask her for a date. I hate this game.

Posted by Ryan at June 12, 2002 12:59 PM
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