June 27, 2002

Ah, Sweden You know, if

Ah, Sweden

You know, if there's one thing I always want after a long day of work, it's a fresh pair of undies, preferably of the paper variety. Actually, no it isn't, but according to a recent Reuter's news report, we men are hankering for an undie change on a regular basis, and so are you ladies out there.

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - Europe's biggest fashion retailer, Sweden's H&M, has launched wear-once paper panties for the summer.

Although I have never heard of H&M, I can only assume they know fashion, mainly because they profess to be experts in fashion. Regardless, they're "launching a new line of panties," which immediately conjures images of the shuttle carrying Victoria's Secret to the International Space Station.

RUSSIAN SASHA: Ah, zank you, Comrade. My once white pantiez are now deep yellow, so zis pair of paper pantiez iz much appreciated. Zank you for making my ztay on zis zpace ztation more comfortable.

Anyway. . . "They are on sale now. They are good to have in your handbag if something unexpected happens, if you lose your luggage, or you exercise and forget to take a change of underwear with you," H&M's spokeswoman Anna Carin Bjorne said.

"Oh, shit! I lost my luggage. It's a good thing I have a crumpled pair of paper undies in my purse! Whew! *crumple, crumple" Sure, they feel like origami, but at least I'm wearing something!"

By the way, I'm not a woman, but do "unexpected things" happen to you females of which I'm not aware? Do you get abducted by aliens on a frequent basis, or do you just pee yourself all of a sudden? Granted, I'm aware that menstruation can happen at unexpected times, but is it frequent enough to require paper panties?

The panties are designed as one-size-fits-all "G-strings" and sold in small packs of three in red, green and black.

Ah, good, different colors. Because most people wearing temporary paper panties want to be wearing them long enough to a) have someone see that they're wearing paper panties and b) comment on their color. The only saving grace is that most men will be looking at the ass cheeks exposed by the thong rather than perusing the texture to decide if the underwear is paper or elastic. But wait, these aren't yet for men. . .

There are no paper underpants for men, but designer Camilla Thulin was quoted by tabloid Aftonbladet as saying the idea could appeal to many men.

"Many guys don't change their underpants every day. It would be perfect to sell paper underpants at petrol stations," she said.

"Um, yes, I had $18 in gas, and could you give me a Diet Pepsi, a lottery card, and, oohhhh, I need some of those paper undies. Why? Never mind that you curious jerk!"

Seriously, what's going on in Sweden that paper underwear would be perfect for the male population? These are things investigative journalists should be pursuing.

According to a test group assembled by Aftonbladet, the paper thongs are strong but uncomfortable.

No shit.

Posted by Ryan at June 27, 2002 01:05 AM
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