November 20, 2002

WOW! Those Chips Are Good

WOW! Those Chips Are Good

For those not familiar with WOW! potato chips, let me explain why I think they're just totally super awesome. In short, they make you poop suddenly. I'm not kidding. I was sitting at my desk yesterday afternoon when, out of the blue, I realized I had to crap really, really, really bad. I briefly considered hunkering down over my trash can because I wasn't sure I could make it down the hall to the bathroom.

WOW! chips are cooked in Olestra, a funky oil-like substance that isn't absorbed by the body. Therefore, they're virtually fat free and they honestly taste like regular potato chips. However, right there on the bag, the consumer is warned that ingesting the chips "May Cause Loose Stools and Fecal Urgency." I want to know what politically correct genius conjured the term "fecal urgency," a benign wording that really means your ass becomes a cannon in the blink of an eye. Apparently, all that free-flowing Olestra swimming in the gut greases the chute, making a frictionless surface that acts as a fecal water slide.

So, I ate an entire bag last night. I'm anticipating something ugly to happen in about an hour.

Tyra Banks. Adriana Lima. Heidi Klum. Kate Moss. Cindy Crawford . Rachel Hunter . Gisele Bundchen . Jessica Alba . Jessica Simpson . Namrata Singh Gujral. Cerina Vincent. Lauren Lee Smith. Tawny Cypress. Jayma Mays. Rose Byrne. Natalia Tena. Carice van Houten. Sonya Walger. Michelle Ryan. Alice Braga. Kristen Stewart. Katie Leung. Vera Jordanova. Mia Maestro. Ninel Conde.

Posted by Ryan at November 20, 2002 11:48 AM
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