Rambling Rhodes

"Getting to Know Poo About

"Getting to Know Poo About the Internet" c. Ryan Rhodes, Feb. 12, 2003

I think there's something wrong with the Internet. The Internet has seemed distant lately, detached. I think someone should go check up on the Internet.

Okay, seriously, I think the Internet has gone astray. Don't get me wrong, I love the Internet. I use the Internet every day for both work and for play. For me, being without the Internet is akin to hacking off my right arm with an axe. The Internet is part of who I am.

Still, awhile back, I was reminded that for every useful aspect provided by the Internet, there are bound to be five or six useless or disturbing aspects. A friend of mine sent me a link to a Web page he thought I should check out. I don't know why my friend thought I should check out the site, but frankly I think he was just punishing me for some past transgression.

Now, I've seen some pretty amazingly disgusting things on the World Wide Web in my time. I've seen pictures of naked women, and I've seen pictures of naked men, and I've seen pictures of naked animals, and I've seen pictures of naked men, women and animals doing things you'd never see on Old McDonald's Farm. But still, even I wasn't ready for what my friend sent me.

I clicked on the link my friend sent me, and I was quickly whisked away to the magical world of "ratemypoo.com" (http://www.ratemypoo.com). For those of you not familiar with ratemypoo.com (and there's really no reason you should be, unless you have a vengeful friend sending you links), let me just fill you in.

Quite simply, if you visit ratemypoo.com, you'll be given the auspicious honor of being able to rate, on a scale of one to 10, the defecatory prowess of some very, very sick individuals. That's right folks, you just sit there and rank pictures of the poo of complete strangers.

So, what's wrong with that? What isn't wrong with that?! To start with, someone took the time to create a web site dedicated to the sole purpose of poo rating. Then, not only do people visit that site, they take the time to post their own pictures, so other people can rate their poo. What good can possibly come of this? What bigger purpose does it serve. What is this world coming to?

The logistics involved here are just staggering. First, a person has to go to the bathroom, which is a pretty universal urge I guess. But then, then, that person has to decide that his or her (really, though, I can't see women doing this) poo is worthy enough to be posted online. Then, then, they have to take a picture. Let me just repeat that so it sinks in: they have to take a picture.

Raise your hand if you've ever taken a picture of your "work" in the bathroom. Come on now, raise your hand. You there, in the back with your hand up, please remove yourself from my column, and close the door on your way out.

I simply can't fathom the concept of photographing my own poo. It's unfathomable to me. My fathoming ability can't function here. I'm totally fathomless.

Concerned, I decided to share the site with my good friend, B.J. Although he had a good laugh about it, he had to agree that it was pretty gross. But then, a few weeks later, B.J. told me that his three year old daughter loves the site and asks her daddy to go to the site whenever he's online. What? A three year old girl loves ratemypoo.com? Am I going insane?

Now desperate, I decided to run the site past one more filter, my cousin Skip. It was an easy moral decision to zap Skip with ratemypoo.com because he had been sending me links all afternoon whisking me off to sites related to flatulence. Skip's response was swift and concise.

"Now that's really disgusting. . . Ick," was Skip's reply, and I tend to agree with his assessment.

Now, I may be wrong here, and I may not be able to see the greater good being served by ratemypoo.com, but I stand by my opinion: namely, sitting and rating another person's poo is really disgusting.

Ick.

Posted by Ryan at February 13, 2003 03:26 PM