April 01, 2003

Saddam Hussein Alive, Says Saddam

Saddam Hussein Alive, Says Saddam Hussein
Iraqi Dictator Confirms Existence Through Written Word

BAGHDAD (Rhodes Media Services) -- In a written statement from Saddam Hussein, read on Iraqi national television by the country's information minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, the Iraqi dictator explained, in no uncertain terms, that he was, in fact, not dead.

"The aggression that the aggressors are carrying out against the stronghold of faith is an aggression on the religion, the wealth, the honor and the soul and an aggression on the land of Islam," said Hussein in his agressively worded statement.

"And let me just assure you that I am, at this very moment, breathing deeply and my heart is pumping blood through my wonderful god-like veins," the statement continued. "I am not dead. I am very much alive. I was not killed when that huge bomb surprised the living shit out of me when it struck my bunker. Because I am so incredibly great and invincible, the shrapnel and debris cast about by the infidel explosive bounced harmlessly off my rippling muscular chest and taut buttocks. The bomb did not tear me asunder, as some people may believe. I am so incredibly alive right now, I'm at a level of cat-like alertness and I am primed to lead the great and invincible Iraqi military to victory against the puny invaders."

Also in his statement, Saddam said he had joined forces with Elvis Presley to defeat the U.S. led coalition forces.

Posted by Ryan at April 1, 2003 12:21 PM
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