April 14, 2003

L.A. To Re-establish Looting Supremacy

L.A. To Re-establish Looting Supremacy
City Determined to Put Iraqi Looters in Their Place

Los Angeles, Calif (Rhodes Media Services) -- Reacting to the widespread looting occuring in Iraqi cities as the Saddam Hussein regime is swept away by coaltion forces, neighborhood leaders in Los Angeles today were rallying citizens to rise up and retake their position as the undisputed champions of the art of looting.

Veterans of past L.A. looting riots were outspoken in their criticism of Iraqi looting methods, calling them amateurish and lacking focus. Lawrence Whitmore, who "scored" a new color television, three pairs of pants, and five pairs of Nike Airs during the riots following the Rodney King verdict, scoffed when he saw liberated Iraqis making off with chairs and sinks.

"That shit is just weak," said Whitmore. "When the time and events present themselves like that, you just have to take better advantage of the situation. If I came out of a good looting rampage with only a chair or a sink, I'd feel pretty damned silly. If that was me, I would have had a list written up ahead of time so I could pounce as soon as the U.S. came into the city. You gotta grab the electronic stuff first. That's key. From there, you go after clothes, really good clothes. You can't waste time going after sinks. That's just stupid."

Although there has been no set time for when L.A. plans on retaking its looting crown, sources say that any minor small victory by any L.A. team would be sufficient fuel for a good looting endeavor.

Posted by Ryan at April 14, 2003 01:43 PM
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