April 23, 2003

Girlfriend Family Matters It just

Girlfriend Family Matters

It just struck me last night how odd Melissa's family actually is. Not bad, mind you, but odd.

First, you have her gay dad. How Melissa was able to turn out relatively normal after enduring her parents' divorce when she was in 9th grade, followed by her father's announcement that he was gay a couple of years later, is rather astounding. Throw into the mix how her mother went into a deep depression following the divorce and effectively sequestered herself in her bedroom for years afterward, and I'm left wondering if Mel isn't actually a time bomb waiting to go off.

Then, you have her mother. She's so deeply religious, she thinks everything is a sin. Melissa and I have sex? Well, we're going to hell. I'm not kidding here. She actually tells Melissa that. And this coming from a woman who is currently dating a married man. During Thanksgiving, Melissa chided her mother about her new man. "Mom," said Melissa. "You're dating a married man. You're going to hell." Her mother's response to both of us? "Me? What about you two?" One big, happy, hellbound family.

Then, you have the younger sister. A former Army recruit, she got pregnant while living in Kuwait and ended up marrying the Marine father so she could stay in the country (Islamic nation, you know; can't have unmarried mothers running around). I've only met her once, but I was immediately struck by how little of a personality she had. Her husband is her eyes, ears and mind. He dictates EVERYTHING. I don't think she's had a thought of her own for two years or more. Melissa says that her sister didn't always used to be that way, which is hard to believe.

Finally, you have the youngest sister. She was just a really, REALLY, young one when her parents divorced and her father announced that he liked men. With dad out of the house, mom locked in her bedroom, and older sisters vying for parental attention of their own, she ended up pretty much growing up alone. When Melissa refers to her sister's friends, she uses the singular form, friend, because, as far as Mel can tell, she only has one. She's a nice girl, with a big laugh, but getting her to talk is more difficult than understanding quantum physics. Much to my absolute shock, she recently announced that she has a boyfriend, who she has been dating for two weeks. I could hardly believe it.

Easter, perhaps, provided the best example of how odd Melissa's family is. Her father didn't show up, despite promises to be there. Her youngest sister announced that she had a boyfriend, much to the shock of everyone in the room. And her mother's response to the great news? "Well, he's not black is he?" To which the sister replied "Yes he is." At that, the mother went off on a rant about how black people are unreliable and untrustworthy and lazy, and God knows what else. So, I learned that Melissa's mother, in addition to being a Bible banger who thinks all her daughters are going to hell, is also a racist.

Melissa's method of coping was pretty understandable. She drank 3/4 of a bottle of merlot in the morning and slept well into the afternoon.

Step aside, Norman Rockwell.

Posted by Ryan at April 23, 2003 02:09 PM
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