June 05, 2003

Impending Ten Year Reunion Well,

Impending Ten Year Reunion

Well, it's coming.

A decade has passed since I donned the high school cap and gown (twice, but that's a different story). The ten year Harmony High School class reunion always just seemed so far away, particularly as I muddled through college trying to figure out what I was good at and what I wanted to do and somehow finding a way to tie those ends together, and then one day discovering that I could write news articles and just kind of finding journalism from there. For me, now, that was one of the defining moments of my life, way more important than most everything I did in high school.

I was a geek in high school, or so I think in retrospect. I was a student without a clique, which is unheard of in a small town school, where cliques aren't just common, they're necessary for survival. I played football, but I wasn't a jock. I was a good wrestler, but I didn't hang out with my fellow wrestlers lamenting weight maintenance and obsessing over the sport. I was on the golf team, but mostly so I could play golf courses around the area for free. I got good grades without really putting much effort into it. I just floated by in high school, taking things seriously only if they didn't interfere with the things I liked to do. And, boy, does that sound like the Ryan Rhodes of today, too.

I'm not sure I want to be reunited with many of my classmates. The ones that I like and built strong friendships with mostly came about after high school. Troy, mostly by accident, became my roommate and most trusted friend, despite us not saying more than four words to each other through most of high school. Jim, the ex-marine who came back and we discovered we liked golf equally, as well as bar NTN trivia. Norm, the quiet high school non-conformist who is still unearthly silent and I can't really explain why we're friends, except to say he's always just kind of there. Jeremy, the high school prick turned lawyer. These are the friends I have from high school, and they're the only ones I really care to see, and I see them all the time anyways.

I guess I would have liked my 10 year reunion to be like the one portrayed in Grosse Point Blank. There I'd stand, a dashing yet dangerous looking John Cusack, dressed in a black suit, nervous that I'm around all the old classmates, but fully knowing I could kick the shit out of them and maybe even kill them if the price was right. It would be cool if I could hook up with an old high school flame, though, truth be told, I really didn't have one. Instead, I'd just hook up with some desperate chick who was drunk and horny and requiring my man pole. I guess that would be as close as I could get to nailing Minnie Driver. Afterwards, it would be super cool if an unknown assailant attacked me in the hallway, and then I'll kill him after a sweaty and cool karate fight by sticking a pen in his neck. Then, Troy and I would wrap the body in a "Go Falcons" banner and toss it in the boiler. That would be a pretty cool and memorable class reunion.

Far from Grosse Point Blank, however, all I can really expect is a lot of people I'd rather avoid coming up and asking a slew of pointless questions about what I'm doing now, whether I'm married, whether I have children, how much I can drink, whether I still have a montrous cock. You know, those types of questions. Yesterday, one of the organizers of the reunion sent me a list of questions they wanted me to answer so they could put together some sort of book or something. The questions struck me as remarkable in their banality, but I answered them anyway, and my responses are as follows:

Name: Ryan Rhodes

Significant other: Right and Left Hand (alternating depending on finger cramps)

Address: Rochester, Minn.

Children: None that I know of (fingers crossed)

After graduation: Why, yes. Yes, it is after graduation. Thanks for the heads up.

My goals for the next 10 years: To continue with a steady heartbeat, complemented by inhaling and exhaling air. Everything else is just icing on the cake.

Greatest memories of high school: That one time, when I had three naked women on my bed, and they were all like "oooh, Ryan, you make us so hot," and I was all like "I know it ladies, now let me work my magic," and they were all like "we can't take it any more. Please just pleasure us with you pulsating man rod," and I was all like getting mad at how impatient they were and stuff. Oh, wait, that was a porno I watched once. I don't have any great memories of high school.

According to Aubrey, the reunion organizer: "Several memories people have had is that time you whipped your pants down for all to see."

What I want to know is to which time Aubrey is referring. I must have done that 20 times or more. That's just the kind of high school student I was, and really the kind of person I am now. No secrets. No shame. And a whole buttload of incredulity.

Maybe I'm more prepared for my 10 year reunion than I realized.

Posted by Ryan at June 5, 2003 11:07 AM
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