August 27, 2003

A Weekly Window Into Insanity

First, a little background. Back when I worked as news editor for the Stewartville Star, I unwittingly became acquainted with a local crazy who sat in on every school board meeting. And, I'm not kidding when I call this man crazy. Each meeting, he would address the board and spew forth some of the most bizarre, disjointed, meaningless speeches ever conceived by the mind of man. After each meeting, I would practically sprint out of the school to avoid being trapped by the nutball: sometimes I was successful, other times not. He creeped me out. The story was that, at some point in his life, he struck his head with a chainsaw, and if you ever saw the man in person, you'd probably believe it. I sure did.

I continue to write a weekly humor column for the Star, and I get a complimentary subscription as well. For about a year now, the paranoid schizophrenic entity from the school board meetings has found a new venue from which to spew his creepy musings. Each week, he pays $12 or more for advertising space in the Star, and his blurbs run right alongside other, more coherent, ads such as apartment listings and job openings. The poor staff at the Star has had no option but to run the schizo's rants under "Miscellaneous."

So, starting this week, I have decided to reprint the crazy's ads exactly as they appear in the Star. This weekly sojourn into insanity will be dubbed "Schizophrenic Screeds."

So, without further ado, here is this week's installment. *ahem*

MACHEYE. Now for the update on the drought of SE MN for there is no drought. The only thing that can be said is nuclear hot fire blight. The opposite of this is called nuclear cold freeze blight. Now you got the whole story. As far as the master cell of the human body, left shoulder, 2 moles & on 3rd clear mole gives you adrenaline roll back. So now as we look at past wars like the blue and gray Civil War the biggest war now to come will be called Pink Pinion -vs- Green Valley C31. Now for the combinations for Pink Pinion: R13 Fail Command Freeze. Short form: R13FCF.

Posted by Ryan at August 27, 2003 09:11 PM
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