June 30, 2003

Welcome To The Weekend That Wasn't

Before I get too deep into the weekend details, let me just share something.

So, there we were, Melissa and I, the two of us laying in bed Friday night getting ready for happy sleepy time. I lean in to kiss her goodnight, when something flashes past my vision, a jagged thread of white peeking forth from the tip of Mel's tongue. For some reason, I knew what it was before my brain could even finish making sense of it.

It was a toenail. My girlfriend was sucking on a toenail!!

Everyone together now. YUCK!

Yep, we're starting to get into that area of the relationship where horrendous habits come to light. But, really, this was a doozy. Apparently, she picks her toenails with her fingernails, which is just fine. I pick my toenails with my fingernails too, from time to time. But, at least I have the common human decency to deposit the removed toenails into the trash. But, not Mel. No, SHE has to put the fucking things in her mouth and suck on them. *shudder*

I'm still trying to digest this information and calculate an appropriate response. My first choice is to move to Hollywood in the hopes of enticing Salma Hayek to marry me. At the very least, I'm betting she doesn't suck on her severed toenails. *shudder again*

For those of you just dying to know: I'm pretty sure I passed my martial arts black belt promotion test on Sunday. It was odd, though, because after all the stressful buildup, after all the practice, after all the money spent, the final test was both anticlimactic and ultimately disappointing. Don't get me wrong, I'm still pleased as puppy piss to be a black belt and all that, but all my tests prior to Sunday were intense exercises that left me sore and exhausted for days afterward. Sunday's test, by comparison, was a walk in the park. I guess I'm disappointed because the test really didn't test me on my martial art of choice, hapkido, but rather focused on the Simmudo style that the Korean masters are trying to promote. It's just hard to explain. I'm still deeply pleased to have accomplished everything, but I feel as if I snuck through the back door or something. Oh well, on to jujitsu.

With all the running around and stress, this really was a weekend that wasn't. I'm so ready for a lazy weekend where I just sit around for two days reading in the sun, but that won't happen next weekend, because next weekend is the 4th of July, in addition to my 10 year class reunion. Which reminds me: I should drive to Wisconsin quick this week to pick up some REAL fireworks, not the fizzle pop nothings that are legal in Minnesota now. I want the big dogs, the super-cool artillery shells.

I'd also like it if Mel didn't suck on her toenails.

Posted by Ryan at June 30, 2003 10:14 AM | TrackBack
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