December 16, 2003

Vatican Debates Sainthood For Hussein

Top Official Is Confident Dictator Was 'Not All That Bad'

VATICAN CITY (Rhodes Media Services) -- Upon seeing the footage of Saddam Hussein being examined by U.S. servicemen,">a top Vatican official said that, in light of all the apparent suffering endured by the former Iraqi dictator, he's nominating the "Butcher of Baghdad" for sainthood status pre-emptively before his death even occurs.

"I felt pity to see this man destroyed, (the military) looking at his teeth as if he were a cow. They could have spared us these pictures," said Cardinal Renato Martino, head of the Vatican's Justice and Peace department and a former papal envoy to the United Nations. "Surely, suffering like this is akin to anything Christ himself endured. As such, I feel there is no alternative but to canonize him immediately."

The move came as a shock to many worldwide, who universally recognize Hussein as a murderer of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis, Iranians, Kuwaitis and others. Still, Cardinal Martino pressed his case, saying that the death of millions can not be compared to the dignity of a single man, especially considering how long Hussein's beard was upon his capture.

"Yes, yes, I'm aware that the man oversaw the killing of countless people, blah, blah, blah," said Martino. "The point is, he was being treated like a cow. You know. . . a cow? Mooooooo! Surely you can see the horrific embarrassment inherent in being treated like a moo cow. That's easily worth sainthood. Poor guy."

Posted by Ryan at December 16, 2003 12:45 PM
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